a new day

brain drain 10/18

"my dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room"

distance. a thought, unconsidered. or maybe...considered, and then later unconsidered. like the thought was taken back, erased, ignored for the happiness of being able to express everything. it's almost like we get a new chance at the honeymoon period each time: a year and a half ago, six months ago, a month and a half ago. it's fleeting; that invincible feeling, the idea that we're floating on air and that we can conquer the world. and then I get scared...I'm too attached, I'm not attached enough, you're gone, you're too close. I believe in us, but maybe sometimes, I don't believe in myself. I want to pull away so badly...I've gone too far with relying on you when I feel sad, and now, when I'm uncomfortable and afraid, all I want is to be by myself, to be an individual, to prove that I don't need you. I do need some things though; I need a balance. I need your hugs. I need the little things...the excitement you used to express when you get a text from me, the way you'd surprise me and call between classes, the way you'd always try to find new things to say and do to keep me smiling...and most of all, the feeling that you did all this because you wanted to, not because I was looking for it. maybe its selfish and needy to whine about this, but eventually it starts to feel stale, rehearsed. I've watched relationships drain away, even when people live close by. it needs life, it needs excitement. I've never felt this many emotions about someone before. I've never felt so strongly. Where are you, that enthusiastic, open person I fell in love with? Maybe we're both just too busy to make this work. maybe it was our idealism that convinced us that it could even happen in the first place. Please don't close off now. I need something...some sign that it's right, that this distance won't turn me into a class A ice princess, that I'm not throwing my feelings out into an empty room... a room that later might go up in flames.

concrete jungle

"you are what you hide" -osho

"rabbit rabbit"

"Cherish your solitude. Take trains by yourself to places you have never been. Sleep out alone under the stars. Learn how to drive a stick shift. Go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back. Say no when you don't want to do something. Say yes if your instincts are strong, even if everyone around you disagrees. Decide whether you want to be liked or admired. Decide if fitting in is more important that finding out what you're doing here. Believe in kissing."