paper dreams

Eureka

We could all get along if we didn't all think we were better than each other.

Including me.

Including you.

We all want to be the mature one, and throw it in everyone else's face.

Which makes it so none of us are.

as we sift through the hourglass

Why doesn't anything fit anymore?

back porch, cafe, war, rain, eve.

net, sleeping bag, curled up together.

Before it all felt so right,

was it right then?

was it right there?

is it right now?

I'm so confused. Why is this all hitting right now?

Oh, how cliche.

ungrateful. lost, wandering, no one to anchor me.

we're all trying to find ourselves, we look to each other,

we're bringing each other down, we're helping each other out...

I'm living more, I'm appreciating less,

what matters more,

what will make this important,

what will make me remember.

why was it a chore, why don't I feel amazingly different,

I know I say things, why don't I believe them?

Why aren't we close, when we said we'd always be,

why haven't I see you yet, when other people have,

why do I feel like I'm always the last one standing, the last one left caring?

Where am I going?

Academy

I like the way I feel around you.

So young, so old.

These are not whiners

please, really? you're so grown up that you make other people feel stupid just so you can feel better about yourself.

get real.

I've heard this story before

This year is going to be hard, and this year is going to be lonely, and this year I'm going to be stressed, and I'm going to be at my wit's end.

But this year I'm going to grow, and this year I'm going to be independent, I'm going to be older but I'm going to embrace being young, and I'm going to get to know people who I never really knew before, and this year I'm going to learn so much about myself and the world.

And this year, I'm actually going to do what I say.

Starting now.

Your eyes light up when we talk about the past.

College rule

Every day gets worse, its killing me.

I've been looking forward to junior year so much, why is it letting me down?

Or maybe, I'm letting myself be let down?

I realized something today.

We all think that this year sucks.

and yet none of us can save the other from it.

Why?

I have so many questions.

"Last week in Santa Cruz!"

I'm so jealous of everyone who has these stupid albums.

I'm 16 and in 11th grade and I am SO ready to get out of here...

its awful.

New wind is gona find your sail

yeah, my two favorite people.

I hate that you say I'm different

I'm so not.

la la la la, la la la la.

same old, same old.

"I always feel like something isn't right"

"Wait...when?"

"When I am with you...but not with you at the same time."

Waiting for you to show me

"I hope she's everything you need and dream about

don't let what we had hit you on your easy way out

when you lay down with her tonight, we'll see who loses sleep

what's it like to love her, and to lose me?"

I sent in my first postsecret today.

I don't care what you say, I still can't find it in myself to believe you.

hmmm

You make me smile,

I like when you wave at me as I get off the freeway.

talk for hours

I wish you were more content with yourself

you are such an amazing person.

I like bonding with the freshmen!

Never get used to it

"some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. delicious ambiguity..."

-gilda radner

East 58th Street

From the postcard for the University of Chicago- "Tell us what's on your bookshelf:"

"2 day planners, Anna Karenina (I bought it before the book list was switched, and I feel obligated to read it now...), Pride and Predjudice DVD, the Bible, CUBEBOOK picture book of children, the New American Dictionary, 3 photo albums I made out of boredom & random creative impulses, an assortment of yearbooks, Islam for Dummies and an info book on Scientology (joke birthday gifts), Spanish/English dict.,  Oxford dict. of Literary terms, the Daring Book for Girls, 3 or 4 of my favorite picture books, a stack of old picture, Wicked (half read), and Faith of the First Ladies (my grandma wants me to read it)."

I guess you can kinda actually tell something about someone from their bookshelf.

Bad weather

I wish I was more artistic.

I wish I knew what to say.

I wish I wasn't afraid.

I wish you actually looked at these.

A place in the sun

Tell me where our time went, and if it was well spent.

I don't want to be alone, but now I feel like I don't know you.

Rotary

"Al,

You and Barbara can be rightfully proud of Molly's accomplishments this summer while she lived in South America. Molly was very posed and confident in her presentation to Rotary and brought a refreshing youthfulness to the club. She will never forget her experience as it expands her whole life and educational opportunities. Please pass the word on to Molly. Well done.

Ron"

Wake up and smell the coffee.

All I'm asking is to drive and see Eve,

PLEASE.

El Perdedor

I just got it.

I don't want to go because I want to pretend that I'm the only one.

I don't want to see other people and hear their stories and realize that my experience wasn't the be all and end all. I wasn't the only one who had an amazing time, and my experience wasn't totally different than anyone else's. I am going to accept my selfishness and just put it out there that I want to keep it to myself and I want to be the only one. I want to know that other people had a good time only because I care about them, not because I want to compare, not because I want to make sure that I wasn't alone.

They have these things because apparently people have problems readjusting and they feel like they're all alone and no one else understands.

Well I don't want anyone else to understand.

All praise the selfish bitch.

You don't even care

stop

thinking.

I don't like it like this...

I tried harder to keep you

and then I lost you first.

First love is forever

I have a dream team shaped hole in my heart.

Trust

You hurt me.

I cried. Does that make you feel powerful?

Props to Alex, he listened to me sob out my story for 10 minutes.

I embaress you? Really? You actually said that to my face?

Sometimes I  wonder if you know how similar to your mom you are.

It's funny that you say this stuff two weeks after I get home from AMIGOS, in the middle of me doing MORE volunteer work and doing all my summer homework, doing presentations for rotary, driving your kids around, and taking care of  a whole teacher appreciation lunch for you.

Irresponsible my ass.

Two Hearts

It feels weird talking to you both at the same time.

Yes, of course I remember the nests, and yes, I remember sneaking out and sitting out in the night, on the porch, in your arms.

And no, I don't know where it goes after this...I don't want to settle for anything less either.

Never knowing which road you're choosing

I feel free.

Today I drove Matt to guards,

sat at the beach and wrote in my journal,

Jenny and I went to Starbucks, went to Valencia,

did prep work for Karen,

brought lunch back for Jenny and Karen,

picked blackberries with Jenny,

picked up Matt,

Jenny and I met Ynez at the farmer's market,

went to school for parent orientation,

dinner at home.

I'm not really sure where I belong yet.

I miss you.

Knowing you, knowing me

This is weird, and we both know it.

When you know someone this well, how do you keep lying?

Maybe we really are different people now.

No excuse

I should probably be nice to you because of your boyfriend and all,

but all I want to say to you is:

Leave us alone, maybe you think you know everything, but you have no idea half the pain either of us went though. You are cold and straightforward, and maybe if you let yourself feel just a little bit, you would understand that you have no right to stick your nose in other people's business. I'm sorry that you don't have anyone around to love, and that your relationship is so hard...I understand that must really suck, for lack of a better word. But really, don't you have better things to do than be a manipulative bitch (again, I'm at a loss for a better word.)

Thanks.

Pepsi night

"Haha, hiney."

"What about my hiney?"

"Sometimes I'm embaressed to be breathing the same air as them."

"HEY MOM!"

"HE WAS TOTALLY GROPING HER"

"ummmm yeah and now the whole boardwalk knows about it."

"6 inches and a four pack?"

"Above average two time over!"

"All the cholas do these things."

"Can we do this sometime?!?"

"How was the boardwalk?"

"Oh dad, there were a lot of skanks and stuff, you know, the usual."

I missed you guys so much.