I won't go

"It will get better, and you will see it, but right now all you have to know is that it's there...there are good things there. You made that choice for a reason, you just have to remember the reason."

say it for me

Strangest place, I think I've ever been

And all this time, I thought that we were friends...

pockets

I don't remember what it feels like anymore.

Is this it?

"what do you think?"

"You know what I think..."

"that I'm not ready?"

"mmmhmm..."

montana

I feel like I've had this exact same conversation before.

this isn't you

you're my best friend

"dont you see that?"

another one, gone. goodbye?

(bijou.)

send me on my way

I can tell that no one wants this to happen

guide me/just say something

stop trying to be so above it all...

life line

monte foundation

mirror

hazel eyes

up till 2

safeway

photoshoot

your guess jeans

valencia sweats

it might as well have been yesterday

where did you go?

standin' round, breakin' down

My hands are small, I know

But they're not yours, they are my own

And I am never broken

Poverty stole your golden shoes

It didn't steal your laughter

chin up my love.

turnaround

"my gut says its you"

"We talk way too much"

no such thing, kid.

you cheer/me up.

"what I thought was wrong but couldn't really put into words"

"this weekend was disappointing. I know it was because even I feel disappointed."

"he really doesn't know what he's doing."

one more time

I'm afraid of myself

I'm terrified of the choices I'm making,

do they make me happy,

or am I slowly shooting myself in the foot,

like a slow motion replay

but I can't see, no matter how clear the image,

that I'm wrecking myself.

I could be so happy, I have been,

I can make myself be

but all I want is that feeling of security,

the feeling that I know I don't have to force it,

its real..

I was waiting for that this weekend, thats why it hurt so badly.

I was so on top of the world,

and I thought I was all that,

and now I am sitting here, fallen,....

I'm embaressed.

This doesn't fit together,

I'm all over,

this isn't me.

I'm strong, and I'm organized, and I know where I'm going

I always have a plan/Why don't I have a plan?

I'm running on empty, so tired..

I feel so empty, so alone

I know, deep down, that everyone wants to relate

but I keep telling myself,

no one can relate.

I'm afraid to let someone make me happy,

I dont know if its really happy,

I'm so afraid I'm making it up

and that

its not really there?

I'm so out of touch.

standing ovation

confidence

seeps

away

felicity

story of my life.

darko

all around me are familiar faces

worn out places, worn out faces

bright and early for the daily races

going nowhere, going no where...

I'm lost.

friends and lovers

never gonna break me.

I'm surrounded, I'm alone.

up/down

You jump, I jump jack.

I envy her..I would love to have her life.

I'm not going anywhere.

I'm stronger than I think.

me dijo que me falta.

no sé si le creyo.

this is all wrong/but

i'm diving in headfirst

so I guess this is goodbye

or at least

for now/i'm

nervous and looking forward

i'll live it out.

why are you quick to kiss

center st x laurel st

let go of my hand

right now i'm hurt, and you dont understand

so just be quiet, and later we will talk

just leave, dont worry,

i'll walk.

crv

I cried in the car

because I know now

that something like this

and the songs that I hear...

they don't exist,

at least not for me.

Call me a safe bet/I'm betting I'm not.

I wanted a solution

You just wanted to be missed.

-brand new.

tu verdad, su verdad, mi verdad

I can't do this anymore

I don't know if you're being dishonest with me

or if you're just being dishonest with yourself

but its getting old

and I don't want to be part of it.

I dont know what to trust anymore,

but its not you.

asi es la vida.

MINE!

we're going to get through junior year.

Haley says we can!

bring it on, right?

I love you guys.

we'll do it.

PS- the puma suit rocks my world.

some things work

"something to make the trip worthwhile?" "can you leave campus at lunch?"

your voicemail and how I knew you were going to come. you answering saying, "lets do it. I dont care, lets do it.

finally laughing with you, after so long. it makes me worry about you less.

the printed ticket. that big O in my planner.

hella. "i'm crying right now" "I get that like word for word"

throwing grapes.

reading minds over the phone.

your voicemail that let me know you wanted to talk to ME...and you didn't talk to anyone else. your face when I walked away.

rhetoric, how he looked when you stood up...it was so sweet.

my friends make me so happy to be alive.

sisterhood

Sometimes

I wonder

if we'll ever

be

like them.

Plus one.

I wonder it we'll end up like them plus one.

Six of us.

Will we make it, will we still be friends? And college?

Sometimes I wonder.

We're special, you know. We're lucky.

I don't want to wait.

I've been looking forward to this since the last time I saw you guys,

and now its so soon,

its right there,

and I'm terrified.

Will it be the same?

Am I differnet?

Are you?

What if its not everything I've been imagining?

This has to work.

straight up

It's habit, isn't it?

It's what we've all always done.

It's power, isn't it?

It's being even.

It's fear, isn't it?

It's not being able to say it to some one's face.

It's not knowing, isn't it?

It's passive agressive.

and it's everyone, isn't it?

we're all guilty.

its all falling apart

Foolish Pride

today I was listening to these young moms talking about how they had no time, and they always felt guilty, for not spending enough time with their kids, for keeping their dog cooped up, for not having a really clean house, etc.

"Why do I work part time just so I can be home with my kids while they watch TV?"

Maybe I like being young a little more than I thought.

Still, college mail excites me a lot.

day 74

but you've already lost

when you only have

barely enough

to hang on.