one more time

I'm afraid of myself

I'm terrified of the choices I'm making,

do they make me happy,

or am I slowly shooting myself in the foot,

like a slow motion replay

but I can't see, no matter how clear the image,

that I'm wrecking myself.

I could be so happy, I have been,

I can make myself be

but all I want is that feeling of security,

the feeling that I know I don't have to force it,

its real..

I was waiting for that this weekend, thats why it hurt so badly.

I was so on top of the world,

and I thought I was all that,

and now I am sitting here, fallen,....

I'm embaressed.

This doesn't fit together,

I'm all over,

this isn't me.

I'm strong, and I'm organized, and I know where I'm going

I always have a plan/Why don't I have a plan?

I'm running on empty, so tired..

I feel so empty, so alone

I know, deep down, that everyone wants to relate

but I keep telling myself,

no one can relate.

I'm afraid to let someone make me happy,

I dont know if its really happy,

I'm so afraid I'm making it up

and that

its not really there?

I'm so out of touch.