beat.

I'm going crazy my head is stuffed I need to talk and theres no one to say it all to, some, but not all.

I want to go to the beach and walk for a long time, for hours, and yell or anything that will get it all out.

But its midnight.

I dont know how to express myself anymore, I'm not an individual, I'm just the same.

I had an epiphany, its not that I have low self esteem or that I'm humble, its just that I am nothing out of the ordinary, I have nothing interesting that makes me stand out.

I sound crazy, I sound like I hate myself, but I really don't at all, I am just stating the facts.

and people say no no no, you are an individual! Then tell me, dear, how am I different.

and then they say no no no, you ARE an individual!

but I'm a cog, and I'm stuck, and I just keep getting more stuck.

I need to get this out somehow, I haven't felt such crazy energy in a long time, its like a pulse, and I dont know where to put it, because no matter what I do, I feel the same, I don't feel like my life is beautiful anymore.

I feel like I've dirtied everything by doing stupid things, stupid every day things that I shouldn't do, like gossip and sit on facebook all day, I act like its a joke, and really it is sort of funny that I'm blogging about this. But I feel like I'm no one anymore, or at least no one special, and the only reason I do this is because I need something thats mine.

Writing is mine.

I'm sane I swear.