they don't teach us

"I've got a tight grip on reality

but I can't let go of what's in front of me here

I know you're leaving

in the morning, when you wake up

leave me with some kind of proof its not a dream."

I need to go back, mentally and emotionally. I need to learn to be comfortable alone again. I need to learn not to rely on my phone. I need to learn to love the sun and the sky and dreams again. I need to breathe deep, and stop thinking of myself. I need to be ok with loving classes and loving reading. I'm going to make this work.

to do list

-let go of the petty things

-stop over thinking

-read more

-spend more time outside

-write more

-wash my dishes more often

-collage more

-stop over thinking

-learn more

-love more

-talk about myself less

-listen more

-find a job

arboretum

"let go your heart

let go your head

and feel it now"

the Voice

"I hear students ask me when I'm going around giving info sessions, 'So, what is your acceptance rate to medical school?' And honestly, I AM happy for them that they are so determined and have such a strong direction to their life, but at the same time, all I want to say to them is I DONT WANT YOU at my school [laughs]. At least for me, the vision I've always had of this school is that people sit around and think simply because they love it... [pauses] I graduated from college and the only thing I knew I wanted to do with my life was read more books."

Call me spoiled. Call me an idealist. Call me out of touch.

This -- reading in the arboretum, student-led everything, classes the same size as they were at PCS, books that challenge me and inform me, and people who believe -- is what I came here to find.

Earl

I can be myself.

I can be fun.

I can have friends.

I can be alone.

I can comfort people.

I can make people laugh.

I can hold my head high.

I can be happy here.

brain drain 9/1

I'm scared shitless.

Did I make the wrong choice? Why can't I be myself? Why am I so intimidated by everyone? Why am I having such a hard time making friends? Why do I always feel so awkward? Why was this so much easier last summer? Why can't I just let go of things at home? Why do I worry so much? Why did I even try out for soccer? What will my classes be like? What if all of this, all of my excitement and all of my work and my parent's money, was for nothing? Where are the people who think? Where are the people who get involved? Where are the things I was so excited for at Conn? What if the rest of the semester continues...like this?

I just need to put it somewhere.