walking in my sleep

"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard, do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place."

please stay

"We spend much of our lives practicing our social skills and we've been conditioned, in some ways, to think that there's a time and a place for everything we could possible want to say. We're concerned about how others might react if we let them know how we feel in what we perceive as the wrong context. So we hold it all in. And, as a result, we will never say the wrong thing at the wrong time -- we will never have moments of awkwardness. We can avoid those moments that can seem devastating when they happen...

But we also miss out on the chance to connect with people. We miss out on the change to tell others how they've affected our lives. We miss out on the change that they might feel the same way about us. There are so many things that we choose to keep to ourselves; things that we're sometimes dying to share with others and...I don't know, I just think that it's a tragedy that we choose not to. And I think it's a tragedy that this choice is almost a knee-jerk reaction because we live in a society where we prefer to be ignorant if the truth doesn't confirm something we already want to hear."




Winter always gives way to spring.

"fall every day"

"Don't believe the things you tell yourself so late at night

You are your own worst enemy

You'll never win the fight"

floralia

It's a lot easier to justify when I'm the one doing it.

Brain Drain 2/11

I think I don't write when I'm happy because it never needs an explanation, it never needs words or pictures to justify it or normalize the pain.

Instead its just a feeling -- always different, but sometimes like the sun is shining right down on me, asking me to smile and dance with it -- and there's no words for that, or at least none that could be taken seriously.

Why is it that we look down on things that are cheesy or sweet? What's so wrong with happiness, anyway?

overcalculating

"my deepest, most irrational fear [...] is that whenever a man truly gets to know me, he'll leave."

It's a selfish fear -- it ruined friendships, it hurt families, and it exhausts anyone who stuck around.
I don't drop it, even though it's silly. Even though it's worthless. Even though its gone and its done. Sometimes I try to reason with myself (I always try to reason with myself) -- it never wins. How do you promise yourself that forever exists, when you know it's never been there for anyone you love? How do you understand what love is when everyone hurts so deeply?
But who does it help to be cynical and bruised?
Confidence is everything. Pain is relative. Being jaded is overrated.


This is my apology. Not a promise to change, not a resolution to be untethered and carefree...but it's a start.