"my deepest, most irrational fear [...] is that whenever a man truly gets to know me, he'll leave."
It's a selfish fear -- it ruined friendships, it hurt families, and it exhausts anyone who stuck around.
I don't drop it, even though it's silly. Even though it's worthless. Even though its gone and its done. Sometimes I try to reason with myself (I always try to reason with myself) -- it never wins. How do you promise yourself that forever exists, when you know it's never been there for anyone you love? How do you understand what love is when everyone hurts so deeply?
But who does it help to be cynical and bruised?
Confidence is everything. Pain is relative. Being jaded is overrated.
This is my apology. Not a promise to change, not a resolution to be untethered and carefree...but it's a start.
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