Manic

If I wasn't going to Honduras, this wouldn't have been the opportune time, and we wouldn't have ended. And then I wouldn't have spent awful months being inadequate. And I also wouldn't have gotten to know Sam and I wouldn't have become friends with Bryce again. And then my family wouldn't think that I drove Alex away by being a flirt. And I would also still be fighting with Alex and he still wouldn't care. But now we both care and we're broken up and by Tuesday we will almost literally be across the globe from each other. And if that wasn't true then I would feel bad talking to Sam on the phone but I enjoy talking to Sam on the phone. And if that wasn't true I'd also be on the end of a string hanging by maybe two fingers by now because Alex was just dangling me. But I would also be able to see him when he got back and I would be able to hug him and thats all I want right now. And then I wouldn't be able to hang out with any other guys or barely talk to any other guys because I would feel so guilty. Which kinda sucked because I really enjoy having guy friends.

This makes no sense to anyone but me, I guess.