the itch to fly

the thing about being away, about being here, is that I can be who I want to be, and for awhile, no one knows. Part of who I am is myself, its a weird concept to think about, I know...that I could be myself, but be someone else.

I'm not as strong as I seem to be, I do love to be by myself but I need to know that I can come in and cry on the shoulder of my friends when I can't take it by myself. I need it to be ok for me to be strong, but ok for me to be weak as well. I don't want to be too attached, and I don't like it when people hang around all the time, but I have to know that during the bad times, someone will be there no matter what.

And the thing is, there aren't REALLY "bad times"... they're the weird times, the moody times, when I can't always explain why, but something inside me doesn't feel right, something feels sick and out of place.

And for the other times, I need people to be upfront with me. When something happens, I need you to tell me...were you ever going to tell me? And when you texted me and said you needed to talk, where does that fit into the story? Was that before? After? There's this stupid part of me that needs to know. And I hate it, I hate this curiosity...

But I guess it keeps things 'interesting', doesn't it? And you can't complain about that.