Artichokes

I like to think that the edge is just more well rounded, rather than gone altogether. At least that's what I tell myself when I look back at how I used to write - raw, honest, emotional, introspective... adolescent. Childish. I'm grown up now, haven't you heard? Blogs and emotions went out of style around the time I stopped wearing leather jackets and Madonna-esque cross earrings...or maybe they were never really acceptable, at all. I got internships, grew out my "I can cut my hair however I want" bangs, and stopped writing.

I have a love-hate relationship with moderation. I think I always have. I write what I feel and put it in quotes so it seems like I'm self-aware and questioning. I say what I'm thinking (not because I can't help myself - because I want to) and then I follow it up with rational analysis: "don't worry, I'm not actually feeling anything, I was just having a moment of weakness for these perfectly understandable reasons..."

Weakness. A moment of weakness. Is being honest about emotions a strength, or a weakness? I want to ask why I am more comfortable with analytical writing, but everyone knows: it hides you. Even a strong opinion paper is about something that isn't, well, me. So I "write" about things that don't touch me, and when I really feel something, I use other people's words. Other people's thoughts, other people's feelings, and my own internal frustration that I'm too wrapped up in figuring out if it's ok to write about it to ever get to actually write about it.

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