I call it "anxiety" - this gripping feeling that takes over my chest as I feel my heart softening. (It's not anxiety.) It's like my ribs are straining to grow over this newly vulnerable piece of me as my emotions try to push themselves out. How can you feel two things so different at the same time? So strong and so weak, so scared but so brave.
I've been trying to do all this "work" - I tell myself that what matters is the concrete, the actions, the interactions. I let myself hide my emotions because, quite frankly, they make me tired. Have you felt what it feels like to let your heart out of your ribs? To let it grow? To let it break? To let it grow and break again, every day, every few hours.
Does everyone have the same capacity for love? Do some people love harder love, deeper? Is it because they can, or because they let themselves?
It's time to stop telling myself I'm working on the people around me. I need to be honest and make myself better.
"There were things
you wanted to tell me
and there were things
I was dying to say
But you were scared
and my voice faltered
so we both sewed our lips shut
and buried it away."
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