electric word, life is.

new years resolutions:

get involved in things I'm afraid of (ex: sing at church)

work out more/on a reg schedule

keep my room cleaner/more organized

get a good summer job/internship

drive (close to) the speed limit

don't txt while driving

come back

"Somewhere there's a stolen halo,

I used to watch her wear it well..

everything would shine, wherever she would go

but looking at her now you'd never tell..

Someone ran away with her innocence

a memory she can't get out of her head..

I can only imagine what she's feeling

when shes praying

kneeling at the edge of her bed.."

peeved

if you really missed me, it wouldnt matter where you saw me.

newsflash: it takes just as long for me to drive to santa cruz as it does for anyone in santa cruz to drive here. and I do it way more often. just putting that out there...

someday we'll know

I wish I had a beautiful mind.

a lifetime

if you're thinking of me

what am I doing?

and its going to catch up evetually...

every day, I worry that I'm just cheating fate,

some days its all I can think about, some days its nothing.

two types of people

"They say I've grown up, but really, one day I just woke up, realized I hated my life, and changed it."

I won't let you

"Good girls are pretty, like all the time

I'm just pretty, some of the time

Good girls are happy, and satisfied

I won't stop asking, until I die.

Who's that girl? That you dream of

Who's that girl? That you think you love

Who's that girl? Well I'm nothing like her."

time and place

I think I'm winning.

http://lacarnival.blogspot.com/2008/08/ive-heard-this-story-before.html

terms log

It's hard to get without a cause,

I don't want to perish like a fading voice,

youth is like diamonds in the sun

and diamonds are forever...

shibboleth

half-light

propped on our elbows

the daily show

laughing, smiling,

talking

vulnerable, even though you try not to be

and when you hold me..

"must you make me laugh so much?

It's bad enough we get along this well..."

imogen heap

to feel

"Sometimes I swear I don't know if I'm coming or going

But you always say something without even knowing

That I'm hanging on to your words with all of my might

And it's alright, yeah I'm alright for one more night.."

happy/free

in wonderland

Alice: I simply must get through!

doorknob: sorry, you're much too big. simply impassible!

Alice: you mean impossible?

doorknob: no, impassible. nothing's impossible!

circumstance

"Hold fast to dreams

for if dreams die

Life is a broken-winged bird

that cannot fly

Hold fast to dreams

for when dreams go

Life is a barren field

frozen with snow."

Today I realized how much I wish I knew you. I think you would know the answers. And I think my mom is afraid to say that to me.

strong

we are.

looking for answers

at age 90, her house burned to the ground

instead of losing faith, she kept on moving

five months later, its almost completely rebuilt

"now I know why God gave me six sons...never doubt what God gives you."

stay beautiful

I finally finished unpacking from Honduras, and it is terrifying to think that now I have put all that away, and now I really can't go back. I need to see you and hear your voice and I need to know that it was real and that it meant as much to you guys as it did to me. But I can't.

so I'll just listen to my playlist and think..

collectors

"the only thing i

know for sure is that i want

some avocados!"

"a veces"

I don't want to sound whiney...because honestly, I'm so happy with my life right now

on the phone, I told Jake everything I was so excited for...

the list was an hour and a half long.

I want to write it all out again, it just feels good to say the words

"guess what?! I'm so excited for..."

"best thing thats happened to me in all of high school"

CMAs

having a sister isn't always that bad,

in fact, sometimes it great.

I've thought and thought

yes we can

the flowing patriotic music

and excitement all around me

can't fill me as much as

you being happy would.

if its so important to vote,

and if it feels like each person can make such a big difference

why can't we each reach out

and why can't we touch the people's lives who are so close to us?

I wish I knew what to say.

"yes we can"

why can't I?

trapped

baha'i

its the little things

"baths rock!"

"fact"

"guess what?"

"what?"

"you rock!"

time is warped,

honduras never happened,

honduras just happened.

I've known you forever,

we've been like this forever,

this is happening so fast,

I've known you for so little time.

how does 10 days seem like so long

after six weeks?

"a presence"

pay my respects to grace and virtue

send my condolences to good

give my regards to soul and romance

they always did the best they could

and so long to devotion, you taught me everything I know

wave goodbye, wish me well.

the killers

sunny school teacher

I love being busy,

does that make me crazy?

My grades are finally going up,

and life,

is good.

I had a feeling..

I don't know you anymore.

"are you sure?"

I was going to post a blog and then look at postsecret

Instead I looked a postsecret...and found exactly what I wanted to say in my blog.

your questioning makes me question myself,...

I don't know if I'm being stubborn because I know I'm right

or because I want to believe that I'm right.

10/10

weird day/good day

happy day/sad day

windy day/warm day

could be/my day.

test corrections

"being psychic would kind of suck, because then nothing would be exciting any more."

"honestly, you're a cool person..."

...you learn the most when you don't expect anything at all.

if you could see me now

tomorrow you will be 17.

that makes 14 years that I have known you...

I still thank you for holding me back,

because in the end, it made me into a stronger person today.

perfume

I want to reach out to you,

but I am embaressed,

because I wouldn't know what to say...

somehow, we connect, but at the same time, we are so far apart.

and it's always been like this, and I don't know how to change it,

and I'm sorry. and I just want you to be happy...and I miss you.

you are so much better than this.

faith

I wish I believed this much.

"I'm mailing this card because I have the feeling that I'm going to meet the person who will change my life on the way to the post office."

wake up call

Your daddy told you when you were a girl

the kinds of things that come to those who wait.

So give it a rest girl,

Take a deep breath girl...

"please don't reply"

Make up your mind: I can't handle this when I'm sick... scratch that, I can't handle this any time.

what do you expect me to do, throw up my hands and say, ok, I'll just sit around...

I have an idea. I'll just sit on my bed and wait, and when you're ready, you can just tell me, and I'm yours!

You say, "I don't love you any more" "I'm over it, you should get over it too" - direct quotes! and then you get all upset when I move on, what am I supposed to do? I thought we broke up so that we could try new things, and then when I do you get all hurt.

I don't exist just to make you happy. I have to look out for myself sometimes too, did that ever occur to you?

no one is for this. I don't know if everyone just thinks that I belong with you, or no one wants me with him, I dont know what. they watch the video and say, that's so sad. That made me sad.

Yeah well goddamn right its sad. I was sad for months but you said that I should move on and live my life so I do and then all of a sudden you don't like being single any more.

No one wants to see me move on. I dont know why...no one is for this but me and him. great. am I supposed to just wait a year until you decide its time again? Is that fair? Is that what everyone wants?

I'm so frustrated/confused/sick/lost.

I want to cry.

give me an i

for irony...

http://www.pcsart.org/portfolio/07_08/videos/poems/index.html

Puzzle pieces.

it doesn't really hurt anymore...

I think thats good-

I know that's good-

I'm ready.

I won't go

"It will get better, and you will see it, but right now all you have to know is that it's there...there are good things there. You made that choice for a reason, you just have to remember the reason."

say it for me

Strangest place, I think I've ever been

And all this time, I thought that we were friends...

pockets

I don't remember what it feels like anymore.

Is this it?

"what do you think?"

"You know what I think..."

"that I'm not ready?"

"mmmhmm..."

montana

I feel like I've had this exact same conversation before.

this isn't you

you're my best friend

"dont you see that?"

another one, gone. goodbye?

(bijou.)

send me on my way

I can tell that no one wants this to happen

guide me/just say something

stop trying to be so above it all...

life line

monte foundation

mirror

hazel eyes

up till 2

safeway

photoshoot

your guess jeans

valencia sweats

it might as well have been yesterday

where did you go?

standin' round, breakin' down

My hands are small, I know

But they're not yours, they are my own

And I am never broken

Poverty stole your golden shoes

It didn't steal your laughter

chin up my love.

turnaround

"my gut says its you"

"We talk way too much"

no such thing, kid.

you cheer/me up.

"what I thought was wrong but couldn't really put into words"

"this weekend was disappointing. I know it was because even I feel disappointed."

"he really doesn't know what he's doing."

one more time

I'm afraid of myself

I'm terrified of the choices I'm making,

do they make me happy,

or am I slowly shooting myself in the foot,

like a slow motion replay

but I can't see, no matter how clear the image,

that I'm wrecking myself.

I could be so happy, I have been,

I can make myself be

but all I want is that feeling of security,

the feeling that I know I don't have to force it,

its real..

I was waiting for that this weekend, thats why it hurt so badly.

I was so on top of the world,

and I thought I was all that,

and now I am sitting here, fallen,....

I'm embaressed.

This doesn't fit together,

I'm all over,

this isn't me.

I'm strong, and I'm organized, and I know where I'm going

I always have a plan/Why don't I have a plan?

I'm running on empty, so tired..

I feel so empty, so alone

I know, deep down, that everyone wants to relate

but I keep telling myself,

no one can relate.

I'm afraid to let someone make me happy,

I dont know if its really happy,

I'm so afraid I'm making it up

and that

its not really there?

I'm so out of touch.

standing ovation

confidence

seeps

away

felicity

story of my life.

darko

all around me are familiar faces

worn out places, worn out faces

bright and early for the daily races

going nowhere, going no where...

I'm lost.

friends and lovers

never gonna break me.

I'm surrounded, I'm alone.

up/down

You jump, I jump jack.

I envy her..I would love to have her life.

I'm not going anywhere.

I'm stronger than I think.

me dijo que me falta.

no sé si le creyo.

this is all wrong/but

i'm diving in headfirst

so I guess this is goodbye

or at least

for now/i'm

nervous and looking forward

i'll live it out.

why are you quick to kiss

center st x laurel st

let go of my hand

right now i'm hurt, and you dont understand

so just be quiet, and later we will talk

just leave, dont worry,

i'll walk.

crv

I cried in the car

because I know now

that something like this

and the songs that I hear...

they don't exist,

at least not for me.

Call me a safe bet/I'm betting I'm not.

I wanted a solution

You just wanted to be missed.

-brand new.

tu verdad, su verdad, mi verdad

I can't do this anymore

I don't know if you're being dishonest with me

or if you're just being dishonest with yourself

but its getting old

and I don't want to be part of it.

I dont know what to trust anymore,

but its not you.

asi es la vida.

MINE!

we're going to get through junior year.

Haley says we can!

bring it on, right?

I love you guys.

we'll do it.

PS- the puma suit rocks my world.

some things work

"something to make the trip worthwhile?" "can you leave campus at lunch?"

your voicemail and how I knew you were going to come. you answering saying, "lets do it. I dont care, lets do it.

finally laughing with you, after so long. it makes me worry about you less.

the printed ticket. that big O in my planner.

hella. "i'm crying right now" "I get that like word for word"

throwing grapes.

reading minds over the phone.

your voicemail that let me know you wanted to talk to ME...and you didn't talk to anyone else. your face when I walked away.

rhetoric, how he looked when you stood up...it was so sweet.

my friends make me so happy to be alive.

sisterhood

Sometimes

I wonder

if we'll ever

be

like them.

Plus one.

I wonder it we'll end up like them plus one.

Six of us.

Will we make it, will we still be friends? And college?

Sometimes I wonder.

We're special, you know. We're lucky.

I don't want to wait.

I've been looking forward to this since the last time I saw you guys,

and now its so soon,

its right there,

and I'm terrified.

Will it be the same?

Am I differnet?

Are you?

What if its not everything I've been imagining?

This has to work.

straight up

It's habit, isn't it?

It's what we've all always done.

It's power, isn't it?

It's being even.

It's fear, isn't it?

It's not being able to say it to some one's face.

It's not knowing, isn't it?

It's passive agressive.

and it's everyone, isn't it?

we're all guilty.

its all falling apart

Foolish Pride

today I was listening to these young moms talking about how they had no time, and they always felt guilty, for not spending enough time with their kids, for keeping their dog cooped up, for not having a really clean house, etc.

"Why do I work part time just so I can be home with my kids while they watch TV?"

Maybe I like being young a little more than I thought.

Still, college mail excites me a lot.

day 74

but you've already lost

when you only have

barely enough

to hang on.

paper dreams

Eureka

We could all get along if we didn't all think we were better than each other.

Including me.

Including you.

We all want to be the mature one, and throw it in everyone else's face.

Which makes it so none of us are.

as we sift through the hourglass

Why doesn't anything fit anymore?

back porch, cafe, war, rain, eve.

net, sleeping bag, curled up together.

Before it all felt so right,

was it right then?

was it right there?

is it right now?

I'm so confused. Why is this all hitting right now?

Oh, how cliche.

ungrateful. lost, wandering, no one to anchor me.

we're all trying to find ourselves, we look to each other,

we're bringing each other down, we're helping each other out...

I'm living more, I'm appreciating less,

what matters more,

what will make this important,

what will make me remember.

why was it a chore, why don't I feel amazingly different,

I know I say things, why don't I believe them?

Why aren't we close, when we said we'd always be,

why haven't I see you yet, when other people have,

why do I feel like I'm always the last one standing, the last one left caring?

Where am I going?

Academy

I like the way I feel around you.

So young, so old.

These are not whiners

please, really? you're so grown up that you make other people feel stupid just so you can feel better about yourself.

get real.

I've heard this story before

This year is going to be hard, and this year is going to be lonely, and this year I'm going to be stressed, and I'm going to be at my wit's end.

But this year I'm going to grow, and this year I'm going to be independent, I'm going to be older but I'm going to embrace being young, and I'm going to get to know people who I never really knew before, and this year I'm going to learn so much about myself and the world.

And this year, I'm actually going to do what I say.

Starting now.

Your eyes light up when we talk about the past.

College rule

Every day gets worse, its killing me.

I've been looking forward to junior year so much, why is it letting me down?

Or maybe, I'm letting myself be let down?

I realized something today.

We all think that this year sucks.

and yet none of us can save the other from it.

Why?

I have so many questions.

"Last week in Santa Cruz!"

I'm so jealous of everyone who has these stupid albums.

I'm 16 and in 11th grade and I am SO ready to get out of here...

its awful.

New wind is gona find your sail

yeah, my two favorite people.

I hate that you say I'm different

I'm so not.

la la la la, la la la la.

same old, same old.

"I always feel like something isn't right"

"Wait...when?"

"When I am with you...but not with you at the same time."

Waiting for you to show me

"I hope she's everything you need and dream about

don't let what we had hit you on your easy way out

when you lay down with her tonight, we'll see who loses sleep

what's it like to love her, and to lose me?"

I sent in my first postsecret today.

I don't care what you say, I still can't find it in myself to believe you.

hmmm

You make me smile,

I like when you wave at me as I get off the freeway.

talk for hours

I wish you were more content with yourself

you are such an amazing person.

I like bonding with the freshmen!

Never get used to it

"some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. delicious ambiguity..."

-gilda radner

East 58th Street

From the postcard for the University of Chicago- "Tell us what's on your bookshelf:"

"2 day planners, Anna Karenina (I bought it before the book list was switched, and I feel obligated to read it now...), Pride and Predjudice DVD, the Bible, CUBEBOOK picture book of children, the New American Dictionary, 3 photo albums I made out of boredom & random creative impulses, an assortment of yearbooks, Islam for Dummies and an info book on Scientology (joke birthday gifts), Spanish/English dict.,  Oxford dict. of Literary terms, the Daring Book for Girls, 3 or 4 of my favorite picture books, a stack of old picture, Wicked (half read), and Faith of the First Ladies (my grandma wants me to read it)."

I guess you can kinda actually tell something about someone from their bookshelf.

Bad weather

I wish I was more artistic.

I wish I knew what to say.

I wish I wasn't afraid.

I wish you actually looked at these.

A place in the sun

Tell me where our time went, and if it was well spent.

I don't want to be alone, but now I feel like I don't know you.

Rotary

"Al,

You and Barbara can be rightfully proud of Molly's accomplishments this summer while she lived in South America. Molly was very posed and confident in her presentation to Rotary and brought a refreshing youthfulness to the club. She will never forget her experience as it expands her whole life and educational opportunities. Please pass the word on to Molly. Well done.

Ron"

Wake up and smell the coffee.

All I'm asking is to drive and see Eve,

PLEASE.

El Perdedor

I just got it.

I don't want to go because I want to pretend that I'm the only one.

I don't want to see other people and hear their stories and realize that my experience wasn't the be all and end all. I wasn't the only one who had an amazing time, and my experience wasn't totally different than anyone else's. I am going to accept my selfishness and just put it out there that I want to keep it to myself and I want to be the only one. I want to know that other people had a good time only because I care about them, not because I want to compare, not because I want to make sure that I wasn't alone.

They have these things because apparently people have problems readjusting and they feel like they're all alone and no one else understands.

Well I don't want anyone else to understand.

All praise the selfish bitch.

You don't even care

stop

thinking.

I don't like it like this...

I tried harder to keep you

and then I lost you first.

First love is forever

I have a dream team shaped hole in my heart.

Trust

You hurt me.

I cried. Does that make you feel powerful?

Props to Alex, he listened to me sob out my story for 10 minutes.

I embaress you? Really? You actually said that to my face?

Sometimes I  wonder if you know how similar to your mom you are.

It's funny that you say this stuff two weeks after I get home from AMIGOS, in the middle of me doing MORE volunteer work and doing all my summer homework, doing presentations for rotary, driving your kids around, and taking care of  a whole teacher appreciation lunch for you.

Irresponsible my ass.

Two Hearts

It feels weird talking to you both at the same time.

Yes, of course I remember the nests, and yes, I remember sneaking out and sitting out in the night, on the porch, in your arms.

And no, I don't know where it goes after this...I don't want to settle for anything less either.

Never knowing which road you're choosing

I feel free.

Today I drove Matt to guards,

sat at the beach and wrote in my journal,

Jenny and I went to Starbucks, went to Valencia,

did prep work for Karen,

brought lunch back for Jenny and Karen,

picked blackberries with Jenny,

picked up Matt,

Jenny and I met Ynez at the farmer's market,

went to school for parent orientation,

dinner at home.

I'm not really sure where I belong yet.

I miss you.

Knowing you, knowing me

This is weird, and we both know it.

When you know someone this well, how do you keep lying?

Maybe we really are different people now.

No excuse

I should probably be nice to you because of your boyfriend and all,

but all I want to say to you is:

Leave us alone, maybe you think you know everything, but you have no idea half the pain either of us went though. You are cold and straightforward, and maybe if you let yourself feel just a little bit, you would understand that you have no right to stick your nose in other people's business. I'm sorry that you don't have anyone around to love, and that your relationship is so hard...I understand that must really suck, for lack of a better word. But really, don't you have better things to do than be a manipulative bitch (again, I'm at a loss for a better word.)

Thanks.

Pepsi night

"Haha, hiney."

"What about my hiney?"

"Sometimes I'm embaressed to be breathing the same air as them."

"HEY MOM!"

"HE WAS TOTALLY GROPING HER"

"ummmm yeah and now the whole boardwalk knows about it."

"6 inches and a four pack?"

"Above average two time over!"

"All the cholas do these things."

"Can we do this sometime?!?"

"How was the boardwalk?"

"Oh dad, there were a lot of skanks and stuff, you know, the usual."

I missed you guys so much.

Would you change?

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending" -Maria Robinson

Victory march

"Its like when you're in a dark room, and your eyes adjust, and you don't realize how dark it actually is until you walk into the sun. We don't realize how amazing it is to be here, and we won't until we're in Miami. And then its gone."

-Eve

We held hands and sang Hallelujah as the plane landed.

I miss you sister.

Tom Petty

I only want to listen to Honduras music.

Ynez is reading my journal.

It smells like apple pie and there is none.

I feel different...am I?

"Lets start a revolution." - Ynez and I, Polo fields, 7/29/08

4am, Doin' 95

I have been up for 35 hours.

I don't like seeing the full length mirror.

I don't know how to reply to your message, and I'm afraid to call you.

I want to see Nezzy. I miss everyone.

I miss Alex and Eve.

I liked my letters. Alex's, Eve's. Alex's on the plane as we took off from Housten, Eve's in the car on the way out of the airport. I know that I will save them forever. I know I will have Alex and Eve forever.

You belong among the wildflowers,

you belong in a boat out at sea.

"We fit."

I'm so glad I got to kiss you goodbye.

Amor

Hey loves,
I miss you.

Use it.

I'm actually packed...

I'm actually leaving...

I'm actually....?

Tomorrow, I'll ACTUALLY be in Honduras.

One final plea:

PLEASE WRITE.

Really, this time.

I'm resisting quoting a song. Especially because its Hannah Engleman's status.

I just realized what the date was yesterday, funny how I knew I was leaving, I forgot what the actual date was. Well, I guess I'll go to bed now, and I'll call some people tomorrow and then I'll leave tomorrow and then I won't post any more dumb spastic blogs.

I'll go before the temptation is too great.

I know you're going to go lurk her status now.

The song is: Johnny and June - Heidi Newfield

I'll be here awhile

Who PREWRITES something for a yearbook.

Ok 1:35 is usually a high point for me, tonight it is a definite low.

This is blog abuse.

I also abuse iTunes shuffle.

or you could say that it was abusing me.

Maybe it was the pie?

10 minutes later...

I can't sleep

I keep thinking about how I'm not packed

and how I haven't seen people who I want to see since the last day of school

and how I just want to give you one last hug

and how I'm not ready.

What if I forget something? Then I'm really screwed.

They don't accept packages, did you know?

No you didn't.

Because it doesn't matter.

Why am I psychopathic?

now,

This is stupid.

I have posted 2 (make that 3 now?) blogs tonight and this is stupid. I am not dying.

I am lucky that I had what I had. I am SO lucky. And I still have my best friend, just because I can't kiss him anymore doesn't mean he's not my best friend. And there's other people who I really want to get to know.

So.

I'll just stop moping now. And I'll stop watching stupid things where the girl is sad and the guy goes back and whabam everything is alright! Because guess what, that's not happening. I'm not living in a movie, or in a TV show, or in anything scripted for that matter. My life may be cliche, but its not scripted, and I'm leaving tomorrow, I AM LEAVING, and I am going for six weeks, and when I come back, I am moved on completely, and I can finally commit fully to other things that I couldn't do anything about before.

Fin. Goodnight.

hold my hand

Postsecret makes me cry, and its not because of what the secrets say.

Manic

If I wasn't going to Honduras, this wouldn't have been the opportune time, and we wouldn't have ended. And then I wouldn't have spent awful months being inadequate. And I also wouldn't have gotten to know Sam and I wouldn't have become friends with Bryce again. And then my family wouldn't think that I drove Alex away by being a flirt. And I would also still be fighting with Alex and he still wouldn't care. But now we both care and we're broken up and by Tuesday we will almost literally be across the globe from each other. And if that wasn't true then I would feel bad talking to Sam on the phone but I enjoy talking to Sam on the phone. And if that wasn't true I'd also be on the end of a string hanging by maybe two fingers by now because Alex was just dangling me. But I would also be able to see him when he got back and I would be able to hug him and thats all I want right now. And then I wouldn't be able to hang out with any other guys or barely talk to any other guys because I would feel so guilty. Which kinda sucked because I really enjoy having guy friends.

This makes no sense to anyone but me, I guess.

arabesque

"Didn't you think you were crazy?"

"A little."

My horoscope for Thursday was:

Its finally time to really step up and make the big decision thats been facing you. It could be related to career, though romance is also a strong possibility. You are much more ready than you think.

my days without internet

I have watched way too many movies.

My mom and I are hooked on Gilmore Girls.

I'm almost packed.

Alex is gone... I talked to him for the last time today.

Sam is in a thunderstorm.

Elise likes extra sauce.

I got a haircut. "It looks the same"

Honesty box whaaat?

voicemails

I don't leave voicemails for a lot of people.

I'm glad you left one for me.

yearbook

"I don't even know why we're doing this anymore"



"I will love you for a long time, even if I don't say it anymore"

I feel sick

"I'll always remember and never regret"

The only thing I regret is last night,
that was the saddest night of my entire life.

Cold water

I have been thinking,

and I realized,

maybe God wants us to go to heaven,

and thats why he lets us stay until we are good

and then when we are

he takes us.

And thats why we shouldn't be so sad,

because really they were meant to go,

and they really are in a better place...

they are in heaven.

And really when we're sad,

its not because we're afraid for them,

its because we miss them, and we feel sorry for ourselves.

But thats alright, because its only human.

I hope I go to heaven.

Maybe baby

I wonder if getting my ticket will make this more real to me

because I still haven't really figured out

that I'm going to be in Honduras

in less than 10 days.

"one hug request"

If I could,

I would make hug requests to everyone.

If I had to choose to do one thing for the rest of my life,

it would be to hug people.

I saw "my past" today

and it ignored me.

cool

I really screwed this one up.

How nice!

Nate apologized for his mistake in my yearbook! That was very thoughtful of him.

This is a happy end

I can't make myself realize that its over.

Or that I leave in a week and a half.

The sunburn was worth it,

Today was

exactly what I

needed.

Thank you to everyone who was a part of it,

I love you.

Monologue

At first I thought it was funny how it seemed to fit well

its not funny anymore how true it is.

"You're always so busy playing "Good Dog" for everybody. You roll over, sit up and bark! An actor? Honey...you conduct yourself life some dried-up ad agency squeak!"

"Jimmy all those unuttered opinions were uttered....because I care about you. Don't you know that?"

If only your eyes were green

I came here with a load,

and it feels so much lighter,

now that I met you.

I came here to talk,

I thought you should know.

-Damien Rice

untitled

That was the last walk I'm going to go on with you for a very long time, and it makes me sad.

I will never see the farm again, and we will never go on another picnic, and we will never push each other on the swing again, and I will never again worry when the bushes rustle. You will never again look at me with that cute face, the one where I know exactly what you want even though you don't say a word. We will never sit that close again, the kind of close where our bodies fit perfectly together, and talk about life. I could ask you anything. My phone will never ring and end our moment again. And I will never have that feeling again, the one where I'm warm and happy and complete and loved.

"My reasons were so clear two months ago..."

"And why aren't they anymore?"

"Because I realized what I'm losing."

It's not right that you can do this to me.

in my fashion

"You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life anyway? We're born, we live a little, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that." -Charlotte's Web

Buckle under pressure

Jenny's hand is hanging right next to me

and creeping me out.

I love Madonna.

I hate that I procrastinate

I hate that I love to stay up late.

Hi Suzanne!

I hear insomnia isn't a choice, but I think I decided to become an insomniac a long time ago.

Somehow you remain

I want to pretend that it is still November

so I don't have to be brave

and I am not making mistakes

I'm tripping, and hitting my head, and spilling,

and I know its all because

none of this is right,

and blame myself for bringing it up in the first place.

I hope no one in Honduras minds that I'm going to cry when I read his letters.

PostSecret

The fact that people write and send these

makes me wonder

just how many people there are out there in the world

who are exactly like me.

I wish I had something worth sending,

and I wish I had the guts to send it.

Fly

Wait, who are you,

I don't know you,

and you're assuming way too much.

I'm not like this,

I'm not ready,

I think I'm still in love.

Please slow down,

please hold up,

I wish I knew what to say,

but my words aren't spilling out,

like they do most days.

4th period

this didn't start

like this

I didn't mean

for this

I was afraid

of this.

I'm so sorry

for this.

Danny Boy

grandpas sweater and

vanilla latte goes to

tracy chapman and

browsing the radio

goes to gas station stops and

talking about life goes to

talking about grandpa and

not wanting to go to sleep goes to

slowly realizing that nights like this are

rare and don't last but they go to

good memories

I love you daddy.

Acoustic

Here Comes the Sun.

El valor

It makes me nervous when people say that I'm brave, or when people say, "Oh, this sounds perfect for you"...I don't want to let them down because I know that I will be afraid, I will be homesick, and I have the possibility of doing something wrong that messes it up for my partener, makes work for my supervisors, embaresses my parents, and disappoints the people who were so supportive before.

Amelia Smith

Amigos de las Américas

RDO: Oficina de Plan Honduras

Frente a la Plaza San Sebastián

Gracias, Lempira

Honduras, Central America

Write NOW, and keep writing even if you havn't gotten a letter back....it will mean the world to me.

salir/voltar

What is this chaos?! I'm confused as to why, when death is everywhere around me, this is the happiest I have been in a very, very long time.

What I want to get out of this summer:

become a more mature person

get rid of picky eating habits

meet good friends

see beautiful people and places

teach someone something they never knew before

be taught something new by each person I meet

do something I never thought I would do

play soccer with the locals

try to move on

deep-clean my room

change just enough, and not too much, by the time I come back

come back with a clear head

"In 3 words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." Robert Frost

Sweet Avenue

Inspired by Haley and Ynez, I finally put my gmail account to good use.

I guess it was a good time to write my first post, because I've found that whenever I write things, it always when I'm sad. And I'm far from that right now!

20 days until I leave for Lempira, Honduras.

Write me asap....address coming soon.

"The key to change is to let go of fear."